015 The Fear of Your Own Silence
Why does silence make you anxious? Notice what you do the moment it finally goes quiet: within thirty seconds you've reached for the phone, the TV, a podcast, something to fill it. You tell yourself you're just relaxing. Part of it is something else.
Busy is a hiding place, a respectable one. Nobody questions a woman who's always doing something, they admire her. So it becomes the perfect disguise: you get to avoid yourself, and everyone calls it dedication. The fear was never of silence. It's of what's in the room when nothing else is: the quiet "is this it," grief for the time that passed while you were functioning, a longing you can't quite name.
Here's the reframe that makes it safe to stop running. You avoid the feeling because you believe feeling it is the danger. It isn't. A feeling that's truly felt rises, crests, and passes, even the big ones. The one that stays forever is the one you refuse to feel, running in the background, leaking out as tiredness and flatness. The avoiding is the expensive part. The feeling itself often costs you an afternoon.
And a gentle place to begin: the next time you reach for your phone in the quiet, don't fill it, just for two minutes. Set a timer so it feels bounded and safe. Don't fix anything. Let what's there be there, witnessed. The thing you've been running from is almost always smaller than the running.
This closes the arc. If the quiet brings up that old question, go back to where it started and hear it new: Episode 001 . Is This It?
Dignity Queens is the room behind the podcast:https://www.dignityroom.com/dignityqueens
A gentle note: this episode touches on grief, longing, and feelings that can surface in the quiet. The two-minute practice is meant to stay small and bounded. If what comes up feels larger than a quiet moment can hold, or it doesn't ease with time, that isn't a failure, it's a sign to reach out. Talking it through with someone you trust, or a professional, can help. For a vetted directory of free, confidential support lines in your country, visit findahelpline.com. You don't have to sit with the heavy things alone.
