002 Tired, Not Broken

When pushing through stops working, it starts in the body. You wake before the alarm, and before your feet hit the floor there's already a weight. Not pain, not sadness, just weight, like gravity got turned up overnight. And your first thought is: why am I so tired? Right behind it, the reflex: what's wrong with me? I slept. I have no reason to feel like this.

That little sequence, the tiredness and then the blame, is what this episode is about. Because the blame is heavier than the tiredness.

Here's the lie you were sold: that being tired is a discipline problem, that you need a better system, a better planner, another supplement, cold showers, 5am, an app that helpfully tells you at 5:30 that you're not sleeping well. None of it worked, because none of it was the problem. The problem is that you're carrying too much, for too many people, for too long, and your body has been telling the truth in a life where you're not allowed to.

And the most exhausting thing in your day isn't the work or the kids or the house. It's the performance of being fine. Because the weight of carrying something and the weight of pretending you're not carrying it are two different weights, and you can put one of them down tonight. You don't stop being tired. The tiredness stops being your fault.

If this named something you've been white-knuckling alone, listen next: Episode 008 . The Invisible Load.